I’m starting this blog to share my story with other people who might find themselves in the same situation as me. There is a lot of information about OCD on the net, but not a lot of it really tells people what is wrong with them and what symptoms to look out for! Let alone what you can do to get help.

My name is Lena and this year I found out that I have a 2x2cm Osteochrondral defect in my left medial femoral subchondral. Sounds crazy-complicated doesn’t it? It’s not -  basically, I have a massive gaping crater in my knee – specifically, I have a crater on the bottom of my femur. Chunks of cartilage and little bits of bone have come away from my knee.

You’ll see the terms ‘OCD’ ‘Osteochondritis Dessicans’ and ‘Osteochondral Defect’ thrown around a lot in this blog. Sorry about that, but if you’re here then you’re probably here because you have OCD yourself or you know someone who does.

 I’m currently one month away from having MACI surgery to fix the defect and now seems like a good time to reflect on how this started!

Things fall apart...

I’d always had a bad left knee. As a child I’d been heavily involved in competitive sport – much of it high impact like sprinting, hurdling, triple jump and netball – so in retrospect it was no surprise that I’d damaged my knee at some stage.

I remember that I first hurt my knee when I was around 12 years old. I was skateboarding down a hill and I fell off. Although I wasn’t seriously hurt, or even slightly injured, my knee felt oddly tight. I didn’t think much of it and almost immediately went back to doing sport again, but within a few days my knee was swollen and almost too sore to walk on. The doctor thought I’d damaged my cruciate ligament and he prescribed rest.

A few months later and my knee seemed to go back normal. Well…almost. It would slightly lock up and give way on the odd occasion and if I did too much sport it would ache slightly and swell. But hey, I was a kid and I ignored it and kept on doing what I did best – sport.

Fast forward a few years later when I was in my final year of high school. Unexpectedly and seemingly without any reason other than me stumbling awkwardly down some stairs, my left knee swelled up to the size of a rockmelon and began to seriously hurt when I put pressure on it. My mother took me to a doctor after work and he gave me some anti-inflammatories and pain killers and told me to keep off it. He also said that I should get an X-ray and sent me on my way.

The swelling went down overnight and the pain vanished within a few days. I never got that X-ray – and it’s something which I have now come to regret.

I’m now 26 years old and my problems have come back with a vengeance. I’m not overly sporty, but until these problems started back in January I was swimming 1.5km a day and going to the gym every second day.  Everything changed one morning in January when I woke up and my knee felt wrong.

I didn’t have an accident. I didn’t fall over or bang my knee or have some sort of sport-related incident. I just woke up and my knee was swollen, stiff and was having problems moving. It didn’t hurt initially; it just felt like it was ‘out’. I felt like my knee needed to click back into place.

I did make one critical mistake on that day – I underestimated what was wrong with me. My knee had been bad for years – catching and feeling ‘out’ from time to time, but always it went back to normal. Not this time though. I remember kneeling on the floor to pick up my cat and putting weight on my knee…and then I remember pain.

I couldn’t tell you if my knee made a cracking sound (although I think it did) I just remember pain shooting up from my knee in this haze of red. I think I almost passed out from pain, and I know I certainly spent a long time laying on the round cursing and carrying on.

That was the start of this long, painful journey that I’ve been on, and the first step in one of the most confusing and frustrating periods of my life.